Simple mind, simple life.
I never see failure as failure, but only as a learning

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Why Didn't He Call?

Recently, a girlfriend of mine was upset that a guy, after their first date, did not call her anymore. I told my truly upset girlfriend that he could be busy with work and might call her later. “But he promised to call!’’ she said. So I asked: “Did he really promise or just said he’ll call?” She replied it’s the latter.

I try to explain to her there are many reasons why a guy would not call the girl (anymore) after the first date. “You know, dear, perhaps he finds you unsuitable for him and so didn’t want to waste time going out with you.” I said. She replied: “But it’s only the first date. How would he know we won’t click?”

Sometimes, during or after the first date one would know if he or she likes the other party or not. Most people called it “chemistry”.

I, as usual, trying to be analytical, explained the possibilities of him not calling her:
  • He could have lost his mobile phone and hence lost all his contacts. Who can remember phone numbers nowadays?
  • He feels that he doesn’t deserve you because you are too beautiful.
  • He finds you resembling his mother.
  • He dislikes your dining manners. Perhaps you eat too loudly?
  • He feels guilty of not telling you that he’s married or already has a girlfriend.
  • He didn’t get what he wants on the first date.
  • He feels that his mother would not approve of you.
  • He realizes that he is indeed gay.
Once I accidentally stepped on the toe of my date with my high heels and didn’t even notice till he told me. I never heard from him then. 8-(

I did advise my girlfriend to call him but being Asian, (a rather conservative one), she refused. So I taught her what I learnt from a book I’d read. It’s about mental skills vs physical skills to accomplish something. In that book (could not remember the title), it said that experts had found out that if one mentally project a successful image in the mind, it would come true. For example, a person may not know how to play basketball. If he or she imagines throwing the ball into the net (imagine that a few times), and when they try to throw the ball into the net, it actually work. Another example was that the experts gathered some people and divided them into two groups. Group A would do regular exercise in order to slim down. Group B would just imagine that they would slim down. Guess which group actually slim down? Group B! (I am still trying to use this technique to lose some pounds).

So if my girlfriend starts imagining that the guy might call her, he might call her some day. This, based on my true experience, actually worked for me. Quite a few times, I imagined the guys would call me, and they did. 8-)

I also advised my girlfriend to move on and not waste time on that guy who didn’t call.


unruly `foreign talent' said...

The most likely explanation is that the guy lost interest during the date due to lack of chemistry or whatever. He said he would call because it would be awkward to end the date by saying "I don't want to go out with you again".

The main thing for your friend to remember is not to take it personally, like it's a verdict that she's not good enough. It's just bad luck, the chemistry wasn't there so gotta forget about it and move on. Lots more fish in the sea. Better luck next time!

Even though I'm not Asian I think your friend was right not to call the guy. A girl's gotta keep her pride.

As for mental imaging, she should imagine that she didn't like that guy anyway because he is too short, fat and stupid. Then she'll be glad not to hear from him again. :)

SG Girl Next Door said...

@ unruly 'foreign talent'

Yes I agree with you she shouldn't take it too personally..

There are so many couples who break up after years of being together.

Life is short. She should move on.